Nandini Ray: Hello friends, welcome to the Maitri podcast (between friends: conversation with Maitri). I'm your host Nandini Ray. And today I'm bringing in Dr. Zakia Afrin, manager of Maitri’s client advocacy program, to discuss Maitri’s work in this time of global pandemic. Before we start discussing the present day crisis and our work in handling this unique situation, I would like to give our listeners a small introduction about Maitri. Maitri was formed in 1991. At the time, there was a need in our community for a place where South Asian immigrants who were facing domestic violence could call in for help. From that need, a group of volunteers started this agency in someone's kitchen, can you believe it, with the single phone line. Maitri actually started as a bridge between South Asian community and mainstream services that were already there to help DV survivors. So after 29 years, we are seeing Maitri as a robust agency with 14 staff members and about 50 volunteers. And since 1991, my family has been providing culturally responsive, free and confidential support to survivors of domestic violence. Maitri helpline is the first point of entry to all our services, Maitri helpline which is 18888MAITRI is live from Monday to Friday 9am to 3pm, with voice message checked outside those hours, and based on our caller’s needs, we connect them to our other programs like we have legal advocacy program, we have transitional housing where women and their children who are the survivors of domestic violence, fleeing violence, they can stay and we help them with case management and whatever they need to so that they can reach to their goals. And we have economic empowerment program through which we help our clients so that they can be financially independent, we have mental health and peer counseling program. Better you visit Maitri website to know about our services in detail. That is www.maitri.org. So listeners, as you all know that we are experiencing a unique situation right now and to control the spread of COVID-19 fighters, we are following Shelter in Place Order and maintaining social distancing since March 17 in this Santa Clara County; it is an unimaginable change for all of us. And we actually we were not, none of us were prepared for it. And I'm sure that all of you are learning new things adjusting with the new changes situation. And at Maitri, we are also doing the same. We are modifying our work strategies, our protocols, our work procedures to support the most vulnerable section of our community. And that is survivors of domestic violence and their children. So today, Zakia is here. She's one of our client advocates at Maitri and she's the manager of our client advocacy programs. So she's working with our clients very closely, and seeing their day to day challenges. So I believe she can share a lot of our inside information about the challenges are survivors, our clients, survivors of domestic violence they're facing, how Maitri is providing critical support to them, and how domestic violence advocacy field is responding to this crisis. So another thing I would like to mention that we are doing this show not only to talk about the how Maitri staff and trained volunteers are working hard to this crisis to help our clients. But we also want to discuss and disseminate information on how one can get help if they are trapped in with their abusers, what they can do to keep themselves you know, safe and if they are locked in with their abusers and what are the resources out there that can help? And what community members you our listeners, our supporters, what you can do to help? So welcome Zakia, let's start our conversation.

Zakia Afrin: Thank you, Nandini. It's a very trying times that we are all living through. This pandemic is something unprecedented. None of us have ever lived through such a crisis. I want to begin today's conversation by quoting the United Nations Secretary General, Antonio Guterres stated on April 1 2020, “peace is not just the absence of war, many women under lockdown for COVID-19 face violence where they should be safest in their own homes. Today, I appeal for peace in homes around the world, I urge all governments to put some human safety first, as they respond to the pandemic.” The pandemic is creating a lot of anxiety among all of us. All the people in the world today are uncertain about the economic future, our future for this client in this world, and what will happen in the next few months or even next few years. On top of it, people who are undergoing domestic violence, living in abusive relationships, this is a much more complex problem for them. And organizations like ours, Maitri, and many others around the United States, we are trying to see how we can make the best use of the current resources and help the survivors.

NR: So you are right Zakia, and you know what, for many listeners, I would like to say that domestic violence is a silent epidemic that has existed in our communities long before this COVID situation. And unfortunately, it is still very much alive and thriving. And as you said that this situation even we see that a lot of cases, if you see international reports, they are already documenting a rise in domestic violence from Brazil to Germany, Italy, to China, everywhere activists and survivors say that there are already seeing an alarming rise in abuse, in domestic violence or intimate partner violence cases. So Zakia, you just tell us that how does COVID 19 pandemic affecting survivors of domestic violence and their children, and what kind of challenges my clients are facing?

ZA: Now, as you correctly pointed out, that this is a silent epidemic that we have been dealing with for a long time. In our organization, Last year alone, when we did not have any health care crisis going on, we had more than 500 survivors working with us in many different areas. Today, because of the shelter in place situation, we see that first time callers who are reaching out for help, has actually gone down quite a bit because people don't have a safe space to call for help anymore. Because some of the survivors are actually staying within the confines of homes and they are not at liberty to reach out to family or friends or even organizations when they need that help. So many first time callers we are fearing that are not able to reach us. Now, even then, the numbers of murder-suicide have gone up in the United States. The statistics that are coming out from many different parts tell us that the calls from law, calls for help to the law enforcement have also gone up. Now these are the people who are able to get away now, and the larger number that are not able to do anything about that they are still in that situation and we are very, very concerned about how we can reach them and let them know that if they decided to leave, there are still avenues that they can reach out to. Most of the domestic violence agencies are still functioning even though remotely, there are shelter facilities that are available. And where there’s lack of shelters many cities and counties are coming out to be more telling funding for survivors. So if somebody wanted to get away, it is a possibility. Police is still taking calls for any emergencies. courts are still open for emergency protection orders. And our agencies like ours are taking calls for figuring out a safety plan with people who need to sleep. Now, having said that, there are other groups that we are actually hearing a lot more than what we heard from them a few months back. If I can give you a statistic in our agency, we have seen about 70% rise in calls from survivors who are in-between an abusive relationship and getting towards us self-sustained life. So these are the survivors who have taken that very difficult first step to get out of that abusive situation. Now they are trying to get their rights materialized through the courts, they are trying to get back in the workforce, they're trying to revamp the self confidence that they have, they may have lost during that abusive relationship cohabitation. Now, these are the folks that are actually in a very, very vulnerable situation, because many of them have not yet figured out that economic self-sufficiency. So they are still somewhat dependent either on other party or government benefits, and whatnot. Now, as you know, Nandini, so many people have filed for unemployment benefits, so many people are losing jobs in the United States, and so many people are not able to pay their rents. in these groups, we have our survivors in these groups, and those are the cause that we are getting more than ever before, for financial help, for emotional help. Now, mental health is usually not seen as a priority in many of our communities. But I can tell you this shelter in place had brought out a major need for people's mental health care, a lot of survivors are revisiting the trauma of when they used to be in that controlling situation, they could not go out on their own, they were not allowed to do anything on their own, they were not allowed to decide for themselves. Now, it again can feel like they're going back to that kind of a situation when the system is telling, of course for the, for their own good, for health, for the community for everybody's good, but because of the experience some of the survivors have had, it's becoming very difficult for them to deal with the shelter in place situation. So we are trying to provide emotional support, trying to provide therapy for someone who definitely needs it, and that's how we are trying to use our resources Now during this COVID-19 crisis.

NR: Yeah, you are so right Zakia, that many of domestic violence survivors, they are facing the threat of homelessness, they are facing threat of job loss, disability. I mean, they don't know what to do in this kind of situation, lockdown situation, this kind of pandemic, global pandemic, nobody is ready for this kind of situation. But when someone is going through trauma and abused by their own, so it's adding extra layer, extra layers of anxiety, depression, and they're clueless that what will be happening with them tomorrow. So this is very challenging situation for them. Or our listeners I can talk about I can share one client story: she actually escaped with her two children a few months ago from an abusive situation. she was attending multiple port hearings in a month, taking ESL classes to get better at speaking English and preparing to file a petition seeking independent immigration status. COVID-19 has stopped her in her tracks and her court hearing to get financial support from the abuser, her hopes for improving her language skills to get by independently and process to change, her immigration status has also stalled due to the current crisis. And in the meantime, she's struggling to pay rent by everyday essentials, while also experiencing severe emotional turmoil. So I am sharing this story to give our listeners an idea what kind of turmoil, what kind of pain our survivors, our clients are going through. And Zakia if you can share what kind of critical support is Maitri offering to the survivors to cope with this kind of situation?

ZA: Yeah, so not only the story you just shared, that's definitely just gives a glimpse of what many of our clients are going through. So that is somebody who has escaped from an abusive relationship. I also want to share about another situation where you can, see as advocates, one of the first lessons we learned is not to tell anybody that they need to leave the relationship if they're not ready, we don't ask people why are you not just leaving? No, why don't you just leave. So people make their own decision based on many many different issues that we may not be thinking about. Having said that. So how do people cope with leaving to an abuse, not leaving for whatever reason there may be, and you know, moving on with their life. So many of those folks are always keeping in touch with us. So I wanted to share on one such situation where I was working with a client, who was looking for a job desperately because her way of escaping from her abuser was to stay outside of the home for certain hours in a day, she made peace with herself that if I can survive few hours, without this constant emotional and physical and mental torture, I will be able to stay in the relationship and I will be, in her mind, she decided that for her child, it was in her best interest to stay in that relationship. So that was her decision and the job was really very, very important for her not just because she wanted to earn money, also because she wanted to get away. Now when I think about that person who is now in that situation, having to sit at home and not allowed outside if she's not an essential worker, a lot of people have lost their jobs. If you think of daycares. If you think of the food industry, those jobs are really not there anymore. So somebody who was trying to have a few hours in a day free from abuse, that is also stopped now. So how do we answer this kind of situation? You know, how, how do we offer somebody any service, when this is the case, right? This person is not ready to leave the relationship, but it is for her own benefit, she needs to get out what to do. So we don't have answers for everybody. But what we tell people is that our helpline is open from 9 to 3 every day other than the weekend. And people can leave messages after hours when our volunteers pick up the messages regularly to provide assistance. And if somebody needs to plan a strategy to leave an abusive relationship or just need some emotional support, they can call our helpline, talk to our advocates, they're free not to share their name, if they're not comfortable. You do not have to share any identifying information If you don't want to do that. Just want to talk to somebody, call our helpline. then not just the emotional support, if you are further impacted due to COVID-19 crisis and need any kind of assistance to get through this difficult time, call us and we may be able to help you, if we are not able to help you, we may be able to give you some referrals for where you can get help.

NR: There I want to add one thing that many community members they don't, maybe they, probably they don't know that fleeing domestic violence and child abuse in this kind of lockdown situation is allowed. Sometimes people don't have that kind of information. So whenever you want to take any step or want to discuss your rights and options, please call Maitri helpline and it is open Monday to Friday 9am to 3pm. and discuss your, your situation with our helpline advocates.

ZA: It is true because of the pandemic there is an extra stress on the law enforcement, on the health care facilities. But still, if somebody is trying to flee from domestic violence, they are calling 911 for urgent assistance, it is still available, the court is still issuing restraining orders; what they are not able to do is hold a hearing as soon as possible. Maybe the only very urgent issues are being heard by the judges right now. And for, if somebody needs protection, they can get protection and the hearing will be scheduled when the shelter in place is not there. If that is a situation, if it is an urgent situation requires a judge's attention, that is still possible. So please find out and don't think that nothing is going to happen. If you need the help, there is always help. We also tell people that okay, if somebody is not ready to leave, we will not ask anyone to leave if they're not ready, they have not made that decision themselves, but always have a safety plan. What if a relationship is really getting worse? What if the physical violence is getting to a point that is unbearable, creating a safety plan to leave? I don't want to talk too much about it, the details about the safety plan because you know, this is something that has to be done one on one, depending on the person's speed, it's not a, you know, one size fits all situation. So we help with those kind of situations as well in our helpline, we will help you create a safety plan for yourself and your family members.

NR: So before we talk about safety plan, I would like you to talk about how we are helping our clients providing critical support, for example, their ration, food, anything, any money grant, or if you want to talk about how we are helping our clients who are residing at our transitional housing.

ZA: So I'll get to that I just one more point that I wanted to mention is practicing self-care, let's say you are leaving an abusive relationship, you don't want to leave, and you also don't want to call or you don't have the ability to, right now to make a call safely to a domestic violence organization, make sure you take care of yourself. If there is a friend you can talk to safely and that gives you some peace of mind, please do that. whatever makes you feel a little bit of peace, feel calm and not over anxious, because already many women are under stress, because kids are homeschooling and that actually means a lot more work for moms, practically speaking. it's a lot going on the anxiety about the social situation, the economic situation, and of course, this abusive situation at home. So self-care is very important. At this time, I just wanted to reiterate that. And in terms of nonlinear what you mentioned about what kind of resources we can provide. So all the counties, Santa Clara County, Alameda County, San Mateo, I'm just going to mention these three, because we have more clients in these areas, but otherwise, also, your county, your city, they have a lot of food banks, they have many resources, where you can find financial health information, where you can get free groceries or whatnot. You can also call us for that information, we have compiled a list of all this help where they are available. It's also on our website. And also if you are confused it just too much information for you, call us and specifically tell us this is where I am, I'm looking for resources to help me fight for unemployment benefits, or this is, I'm helping for some rental help, where can I get. if you are a domestic violence survivors, there may be some special help available for you. And also for general public, there is a lot of help. Just today I was this thing in the radio that in Alameda County Food Bank is serving almost 300,000 people right now. that's a lot of people that they are trying to help so folks who need the help can definitely get the help. And to find out more, you can feel free to call us or go to our website and look up resources.

NR: Here I want to add that our clients when they are calling us with their needs and based on their needs, we are helping them, whatever their needs, we are assessing the needs and we are helping them, we are either connecting with the right resources or we are providing the help and Zakia since you were talking about self-care, that is also very important, like being quarantined with an abusive partner can create fear, increased abuse or even life threatening situation for dv survivors. So how one can be safe or reach out for help in a time of need? So, in that case, we would like to tell you that if you are in some kind of as Zakia pointed out, if you are in any kind of immediate danger always you can call or text 911 but if you think that you need to talk to someone or just to have a safety plan in place, please call us, please call Maitri, Maitri helpline. And first of all, you must know that if you are in an abusive relationship, it's not your fault now or ever. So, everyone deserves to be treated with respect, dignity and love. And if you are facing abuse and violence, do not suffer in silence, there are health out there, and if you are trapped because of this COVID-19 situation, you must develop a plan to try to stay safe and as Zakia pointed out, it depends on the individual case, Everyone's case is not you know same, We are the unique individual our situation is different, So based on that we need to work on our Safety Plan and you can, as a community member know who you can reach out to if you have any friend, if you have any family member that you can talk, you can call and share your fear Or your phone can be your lifeline, Keep that on hand all the time, keep your phone charged all the time, and know who to call and know how to get help. And first thing you must know that there are five agencies in Santa Clara County, they are providing free and confidential help if you are abused in your own home, so you can call them and Zakia, you want to add anything else?

NR: So Zakia that's a very important point you were touching. Now, I would love to talk about it at Maitri. First of all, at Maitri, we believe domestic violence is not someone's personal problem. Many people think that is someone's personal problem, and we shouldn't talk about it. So that's why it's a taboo topic in our community. So actually, it's a community issue. And unless we engage community in addressing the issue, and unless we educate our community, and engage them in raising awareness, we cannot end DV. So that's the main thing. And we are doing a lot of to educate and engage your community. before the COVID situation, we used to do a lot of presentation, workshops for community members, whether you just add on community members or teens. We used to do both, but these last two months of we are maintaining social distancing. So we are we are not we cannot do actually the physical presentation, and booth but that doesn't mean that we have stopped engaging or educating our community. Because raising awareness about this issue of domestic violence is not a one-time thing. It's happening from several years. And it can happen to anybody. What we're doing right now, we are using our online platforms extensively to raise awareness on our Facebook page, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, we are posting a lot of articles to educate our community about the issue, about the severeness, about the seriousness, about the magnitude of the problem. And we are also we are seeing that people are communicating, they are posting comments, they are asking questions, they are sometimes sharing that they didn't know anything about this issue, and now they're learning. So that is a good step for engaging community. So our engaging men and boys campaign, we are still doing many times men think they are excluded from this issue, and this is not their problem, this is not their issue, Domestic Violence is women's problem. But we cannot forget that if you see the statistics, those who are harming, those who are perpetrators, most of the times they are men and boys. So it is important to engage them if we want to prevent domestic violence. So our engaging men and boys campaign is a great initiative and we are seeing that men and high school boys, college boys, male students, they are sharing their thoughts on preventing violence against women, on preventing intimate partner violence, And they're sending their blurb to us, too, so that we can share that on our social media platforms for all community members. I'm so happy, so glad to share that many men and many boys they are they are against domestic violence, they want to do something to prevent, and they are joining the camp and they are joining the movement. And also, we're using our Podcast extensively to engage to educate our community members. And we are getting a lot of feedback that after listening your podcast, I came to know that domestic violence is not only the physical violence, it can be mental abuse or psychological abuse or financial abuse or sexual abuse. So that kind of information we are disseminating through our podcast. Two weeks back I think we did a show on Child Abuse Prevention Month, I got two emails from community members ‘that’s a wonderful show. And I didn't know that there are resources out there where we can report child abuse.’ So this kind of platform, we are using our online platform extensively And I'm hoping that we will be able to do more. as our prevention program. I would also want to focus on our policy advocacy Part. zakia, you are part of policy advocacy. Would you like to share some of your thoughts?

NR: Yes, you are so right, there's so there are so many overlapping intersections of abuse and situation that are having impact on domestic violence cases and situation. And another thing you mentioned that engage community members if we want to prevent if we want to end and I would like to ask to discuss about what community members can do to help. sometimes community members, I know they want to help, but they don't know how to help or sometimes they don't know if we require help from them So they think it is not my problem, it is not happening in my family, why should I even bother, Why should I even care? But it is it is affecting all of us directly and indirectly, and all of us must do something, you know, to prevent it. So can we discuss that how community members can help in prevention?

ZA: First of all, Nandini, I'd like to mention that when somebody reaches out, first thing we need to do is believe that person, right? We don't have to do anything, just listen to someone and not question, “what did you do?” You know, no, I know this person, this person is a good, you know, this person is really good, how can you say that, you must be something that you did that, that this incident happened. when somebody is reaching out about domestic violence, understand that it takes a lot for anyone to bring out their private fear, the very private story to another human being, right. So first of all, is believing them. And if they know of any resources, ask them if they want to contact somebody, because that person may not want to contact somebody, maybe she just wants to talk, he just wants to talk and get some moments of peace. In that case, the person who the other person is reaching out to just listen. if they don't want to listen, they can say, I don't think I'm the right person, why don't you call this DV agency? Or why don't you call this person number, and try to talk to them. So that should be number one. Number two, is not to advise somebody without understanding the laws of this country, the complexities that, one, any one person's life may have. So not just randomly give advice that you should just leave or call the police, or these kind of things. Of course, if somebody's life is in danger, there is a question of calling the police. calling the police is always an option when someone is fearing for their life or any kind of physical injury. But for every situation, calling the police may not be the remedy, right? So understanding, keeping resources, if they have resources, they can share and asking that person, what they would like them to do. You know how they want to be helped that person want to be helped in a certain way, trying to see if you can help. If you cannot help, maybe you can find someone who can help.

NR: Yeah, we all can play a role in looking out for each other and preventing violence because when someone is abused, first they reach out to their neighbors or family members or colleagues and other community member before they reach out to most of the cases before they call police or before they call any agency. So when they are reaching out to you as a friend or family members or neighbors and if you tell them, ‘Yes, it is not your fault. I trust you. And let me help you How can I help you?’ Then it is a big help. And if you start asking, ‘what did you do you provoke that abuse’, then you start victim blaming so that we all must remember that we shouldn't be judgmental, we should try to help. And first of all, we all need to educate ourselves about the issue because domestic violence is real and it can happen to anyone. So it's not that ‘Oh, it's not happening with me and that means it will not happen with my children’, It is not like that. So it is it is okay, it is actually good to know about the resources, it is actually good to know that how you can help somebody, it is actually good to know that there are resources, free agencies, out there that can help in a proper way and it is it is okay to connect them with those resources. I would like to share some information in this situation in this COVID situation, if someone is reaching out to you that they need help. First of all, tell them that this is not their fault, abuse is happening, It's not their fault, victims fault. And then you can ask them to call or text 911 If that is an emergency. the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which is open 24/7 that is 1-800-799-7233. You can google search. Santa Clara County child abuse and neglect hotline is also open 24/7 that is 1833SCCKIDS or 18337225437. You can again Google search, and whoever is reaching out to you and asking for any resource, you can give that resource to them. And if you can always give Maitri’s number, Maitri’s helpline number, so that they can reach out to us. And first of all, you can help prevent domestic violence before it starts by teaching your kids that relationships should be based on mutual respect, trust and equality, and honesty, and let them know that abuse and violence, perpetrating abuse and violence on anyone is bad and unacceptable. So you need to utilize this time you are all family members. I know. Now we are all lockdown. And we can see each other more frequently than we used to. So use this time to talk to your children on healthy relationship, and how someone can help someone who is going through abuse. Zakia, do you want to add anything?

NR: I would also like to add Maitri helpline number i.e. 18888MAITRI or 1-888-862-4874. You can call us Mon-Fri, 9am-3pm to talk to our live helpline advocates. Other time you can leave voice message. And you can email us maitri@maitri.org. or you can visit our website www.maitri.org to know about our services. We are ending this episode with a lot of hope that we will be able to fight this unprecedented situation, we will be able to help a lot of people who really need our help, and we are hoping that all our community members will support Maitri and help us to do our work. You can donate to Maitri, visit our website and donate on our website, your small donation will help big time with someone that really needs that donation. Stay well. Stay happy. Stay healthy. Thank you, and keep listening Maitri Podcast (between friends: conversation with Maitri)