Season 1 Episode 8: Bullying - Kav Lakshmi, Tanvi Siddhaye & Ambar Mishra with Nandini Ray
Radio Show broadcast on February 29, 2020 at 4 PM on Radio Zindagi 1170 AM
In this episode, our host Nandini Ray is in conversation with three teens: Tanvi Siddhaye, Ambar Mishra, and Kav Lakshmi, and they discuss bullying and cyberbullying, and how they affect teenagers, and what we can as adults and community members do to prevent it.
Read the full transcript below.
NR: Dear friends, I'm your host Nandini Ray welcoming at the Maitri show ‘Between Friends’. In today's episode we will be discussing bullying. Those who are listening as today I believe that you know someone who is a victim of bullying. Bullying can take many forms and all forms continue to hurt victims and many times victims suffer in silence. So friends, what can we do to end bullying? To discuss this very important question, we have Kav, Ambar, and Tanvi with us today. And they have experienced attending middle school and high school in this country. They have seen bullying in their network, in their schools. And most important, they want to raise awareness in preventing bullying. So welcome friends. Welcome you all, and I actually want you to talk about themselves. Can you introduce yourself to our listeners? Because if I start introducing you, I won't be able to stop. So better you do!
KL: Hi, I'm Kav. I'm a first year college student.
NR: And you have been helping Maitri for last eight years, I think.
KL: Yeah, for a lot of my life. almost a decade now. I've been helping Maitri.
NR: and Kav is our youth volunteer, and I'm very, very proud that Kav is here today to talk about this issue. And then we can go to Ambar!
AM: Hi, my name is Ambar and I go to UC Davis. I'm a first year student, and I'm really involved in social projects on college about toxic masculinity and I'm also part of student government.
NR: Great! Tanvi?
TS: Hi, I'm Tanvi. I'm a junior in high school. I'm a student journalist. And I'm also part of the teen advisory committee of Sunnyvale. And I'm happy to be here.
NR: Thank you. Thank you all. Thank you for coming to our show.
At Maitri we believe that if we want to address and eliminate any harmful social condition, it is important to engage our community or community members, and it is necessary to have a dialogue on the issue to fix the problem. A lot of discussion and awareness is needed, I think, to prevent bullying. And I personally think youth can make a huge difference. They really can bring the real change. They can make a society where all relationships are built on dignity, equity, and compassion. So, to know what you think and what they can do to prevent bullying to raise awareness, we are doing this episode today and I really hope that our discussion from our discussion people will get some tips so that those who are getting bullied, they can get help, they can get some courage, and I really think that today we will be able to motivate hundreds and thousands of kids out there not to bully. Since we're doing this segment, I was reading some articles and research on bullying and I found some statistics that I really want to share with our listeners today. I hope you know that, as youth and teens probably you know that, but many people out there they don't know that. So let's share some statistics.
• According to National Center for Education Statistics in 2017, about 20% of students 12 to 18 years of age reported being bullied at school during the school year. • 70.6% of young people say they have been bullying. They have seen bullying in their schools. • 33% of students who reported being bullied at school indicated that they were bullied at least once or twice a month in a year. That's huge! • And approximately 30% of young people admit to bullying others in survey; they admit that they have bullied someone; that's really shocking.
You are youth, you are teen, you are a student- I'm not, I'm an adult community member. So, I want to have real story from you. What do you think how widespread is bullying in high school? Or does it start from even middle school? What do you think?
TS: I would say bullying is not how you see it in movies. It's not up front to people's faces, but at the same time, it is very widespread. Especially on social media and online, there's a lot of cyberbullying that we see. Also, I do think it starts in middle school; I would say in middle school, it's a lot more direct. So for example, in my middle school, there was a special ed student who loved to dance during lunch and a lot of students would like jokingly cheer him on and take pictures, and it was just really rude. In high school, it's not that upfront. Bullying is more behind people's backs and on social media. At my high school, a student made an anonymous confessions page on Instagram and someone openly said that they didn't like a certain student. So it was just a clear attack at that student. But relating to this incident, a lot of supportive students in the comments urge the account to take the post down, which also shows that peers can help prevent bullying in some ways.
NR: Great, great. What about Ambar?
AM: Um, so mostly in high school, the bullying that my friends and I mostly faced were around body shaming or stuff that related with just how strong and how much strength basically men had or how strong you are compared to other people. But I agree with Tanvi that cyber bullying is probably more prevalent nowadays because people develop spam accounts and stuff like that to call out other people in their class or just technically bashing other person's appearance or personality. But I feel it's prevalent and these stats that we are provided with may be small too, because a lot of people and students don't really realize that what they're facing is bullying. And nowadays, I feel with social media and the new platforms, it's more prevalent on the internet. So yeah, cyberbullying is really prevalent in society.
NR: I'm really surprised that the statistics I was sharing (and I was thinking it’s a huge statistic) and you were saying that many times, these are underreported, and the actual statistics can be larger than that- Oh my god!!
KL: I would say a bullying starts even before Middle School. I'd say it starts in elementary school. Really? Yeah, I was bullied as a kid. My bullying started in second grade, and I was bullied through elementary school and throughout middle school, oh my god, I was bullied for my weight and my sexuality mostly, among other things, and I was not the only student in my school who was bullied. I was among a group of students who was picked on. And a lot of it was as Tanvi was saying, it was not really up front to your face. It was behind people's backs, it was more or less manipulative and toxic. It wasn't the way it's shown in movies. And I think when I was younger, it wasn't as much on social media because when I was in grade school, it wasn't really prevalent for kids to have phones. But once I reached High School, it transitioned more for people to bully people on social media and such. And I think that I definitely second what Ambar and Tanvi said for how bullying has now transitioned to be much more prevalent on social media and for cyber bullying to be much more popular.
NR: See, you’re saying second grade… what do they do? How do they, you know show aggression or abusive behavior? For me, second grade, third grade, they are just kids…
KL: Um, I mean, one of the biggest things is they just straight up called me fat, Oh God, they called me other mean derogatory words. They body shamed me, they called me mean words they, as an insult, they called me a lesbian. They degraded me for my sexuality, which I am a lesbian, but I didn't know that at the time and they degraded me before I even knew my sexuality. And it was a lot of exclusion.. That's what happened to a lot of my friends. It was a lot of exclusion. It was a lot of kicking people out of groups. It was a lot of toxic mentalities. It was a lot of manipulating people to try to get them to do what they want, and then turning them around and making them seem like the bad guy. It was a very toxic environment.
NR: I'm really sorry to hear that. But I'm thinking what kind of society we are in and that if kids they can be so manipulative, so aggressive, so abusive… I don't know, maybe it's our fault, adults fault, that they are learning these things, because kids are kids, whatever they're seeing in their life, they're learning that so maybe adult community members if you are listening to this show, you should internalize you should think deeply that what are we doing? Are we raising our kids, right? If they can bully their classmates, their friends, in this way in this painful way, then then it must be our fault, adults fault. And we really need to think about this thing. And for what I'm hearing from you today that these days’ children and teens are very much connected to the digital world. And I'm sure they're using digital platforms to bully others. But can you speak a little bit specific what kind of things they do to cyberbully?
AM: Um, I feel like in terms of cyber bullying, the specific ones that I have seen are more on like how many people create their own spam account, and that's usually on Instagram. So usually, people have a main account and they have their spam account and in the spam account, most people that I know use it for putting pictures and stuff like that- just friendly stuff no bullying intended, but like a small amount of people use it to trash other people by just calling them out and stuff because they know that in their spam account, there's only a small group of people that follow them and it won't really reach out to like the whole school in general because it's private. And I feel like the spam accounts are a pretty big reason of how I saw cyber bullying being really like prevalent nowadays because in terms of like confessions pages and stuff, like I've seen that in like my old high school, but it was more positive. So that's why I feel more on the spam accounts issue.
TS: I think at our school, there's a lot of problems with slut shaming. So on social media, like if a girl posts a picture that she feels that she's confident and a lot of people will comment and say degrading things like she's like searching for attention, or just make her feel bad about Something that she initially felt good about. So that's a big problem as well. And I don't think people know that it's hurting like the people who post, I don't know if they know it's hurting their feelings. They might say things as a joke, but they don't really know how it affects people.
NR: So, bashing someone's self-esteem you're talking? Yeah. Oh my god. Are you talking about high school and middle school? Kav, what do you think?
KL: I mean, I definitely see a lot of slut shaming, and I definitely see a lot of body shaming. But I also just see a lot of straight up exclusion. My friend who's a college student was recently telling me how she and her friends had… They were playing an online game and she in a group of five friends and three of those friends banded off and made a separate group, just to exclude one of the people and they trash talk to that one person and they formed a separate group just to essentially spread rumors and to trash talk one of the people who was in the group.
NR: Oh my god! Today, the more I'm listening from you, the more I'm thinking that what kind of society we're living in. I mean, why people do that? Why our teenager or middle school student… I mean, how can they think of these things like how to insult someone, how to bash someone's self-esteem?
KL: When I think of why they do, I think a lot of it just stems from their own insecurity.
NR: That's a good point. I also think that they are themselves very insecure and they don't want to show that insecurity. So they think that by harming someone, by abusing someone, probably they will get some power. Right? It's a kind of power and control. I have power and I want to show that power too...
TS: I definitely agree. I think there's also an element of jealousy to it. A lot of the people that are bullied are people who express themselves and are different from the norm, usually. So I think there's an element of jealousy in the people who bully, that the fact that the people they're bullying can be so open about the way they express themselves.
AM: I feel like the insecurities and jealousy are basic roots for bullying. It's also probably mob mentality when one person bashes on another person and it depends how close they are, like a group of people start to like adopt that mentality and they just all bash that same person for no reason. But I feel like that all can stem from jealousy and insecurities as well.
KL: I can definitely say that the mob mentality is how it happened at my school… for me and for the other students who were bullied, it was that there was one girl who was essentially the main perpetrator, but because she was the one with all the power everyone essentially banded with her, and they all just followed her and they all just did what she wanted. So I think all three of those kind of just create the powerful triad of what powers bullies.
NR: I really hope that people who are bullying others and listening today's show and they learn about their mistakes and they know what they're doing is wrong. And adult community members, if you are a parent, if you are a teacher, if you're a counselor, please talk to your any kid about how wrong this bullying is and how it can be devastating for someone's life. We all have responsibility: we adults, we parents, family members, teachers, counselors- we all have responsibility, to bring this issue on the forefront and we need to talk about this issue. So what I'm hearing now, from all three of you, that cyber bullying is, is actually a huge thing now in high school, especially, or even in middle school. And cyber bullying is often a byproduct of someone getting bullied in their offline life. And people may use their aggression from their real life and choose to lash out on social media, right? Some concerns I'm seeing here that it can be persistent; victims, they're not getting any relief because cyberbullying can happen 24 seven, and they don't need to be present at school- they can do anything from their home, basically they just need a device to abuse someone. So it can be persistent. And also it can be damaging for someone; whatever is on the internet, it can be permanent. And even those who are bullying, they sometimes don't understand that a negative online reputation, including for those who bully, can impact college admission, employment, and other areas of life. So many times without realizing that they're doing they're using online platforms to bully someone, to be vicious, to be abusive. And it is sometimes hard to prove- how can you prove to your parents or to your teachers that it is happening because it is private, right? So it is not happening? They are not seeing it!
AM: Yeah, honestly, I feel like that is right. It's on point.
TS: Yeah, I definitely agree. It's hard to tell. I feel like the line of making jokes sometimes in bullying is very thin. And it's hard to know how people really feel about things that are said towards them. So I definitely agree that it's hard sometimes to see the line.
NR: That can be devastating for someone. What do you think, they do this with a purpose or just without knowing anything?
KL: I have a YouTube channel. I have a very small platform, so I don't get many hate comments. But I've gotten a few in my time. I mean, in one of my videos, I talked about my suicide attempt and one of the comments I got was that I should have killed myself (Oh God!) and that was like I think the worst hate comment. I've gotten a few others throughout my time. And when I see those comments, it affects me a bit but to me, it's like that person, there's something wrong in their life. There's something so wrong in their life. They're so insecure. They're so unhappy in their life that they felt the need to say that to someone they don't even know.
NR: Yes, yes, of course, you're so right. You're so on point that they are insecure. They are not happy with their life. That's why they can think of hurting someone or they can think of abusing someone or they can think of insulting someone. I mean, I don't know how to describe that… I'm so mad at this point and so frustrated… I'm feeling frustrated that… how come teenager, they are our future, of this community, for this society, they can do a lot of good things. They can create a beautiful community, a beautiful society, where all relationships can thrive on friendship, on equity, on dignity, on compassion. They're also hurt, I think, they're also not happy. Anyone who is hurting someone cannot be happy. Don't you think so?
KL: From my experience, and I'm interested to hear if Ambar and Tanvi agree, it’s that it's a vicious cycle because oftentimes… there’s a saying that people who bully were bullied. Oftentimes if someone's a bully, it's because they have a bad home life or it's because they were bullied when they were younger. It's because that's what they know. It's a vicious cycle. They were hurt. So they think that what they need to do is hurt other people. They're giving to others what they got. Cruelty is a vicious cycle- you hurt when you are hurt. And that's why that's all they know.
NR: Maybe adults sometimes don't understand that they are showing bullying to their children, they're showing aggressiveness to their children, abuse to their children, and they're learning. Children are learning- it’s a learned behavior. They're learning that anger is the only way. Control is the only way.
So anyway, I was also reading an article that says that only about 20 to 30% of students who are being bullied, they notify adults about bullying. So I was thinking that “what? they are suffering tremendous pain by themselves, they don't want to share that pain, that there is a negative experience with their parents or any trusted adult?” Why is that?
AM: I feel like that all depends on their environment and the way they grew up because sometimes it's hard for many children to have a tight bond with their dad or their mom and have that deep of a relationship where they can talk about their insecurities and how they're being bullied at school. But also, as a youth, it's in our minds that our parents have so much stress already. You don't want to add more stress regarding what's going on, this and that. Because, we see what our parents go through when they're going through work and stuff like that. And I feel in order for that to be fixed, it all depends on like an effort from both sides from the kid and the parent, of course that like, they want to have a deep and meaningful relationship that if the kid is facing something at school, they should feel open to talk to their own parents about it.
TS: I definitely agree. I think we just have to foster an environment, especially in our homes, where we can be more open about our problems or what we're going through. I know a lot of us might go home and then our parents asked, “oh, how was your day” and you just say, “Fine,” and then you go back into your room, but I think, I totally agree. I think it needs to be on both sides. We have to be talking about how we're feeling more. I think that's really important to, you know, solve our problems that we might be having.
KL: I want to talk more on the reporting to school side of things. I reported with a group of other people who had been bullying to two different schools, because I went to a different elementary and different middle school and I was bullied in both. And I reported to both schools about my bullying and nothing was done in either school. In my elementary school the bully was in the room, we had a conversation of sorts, where the bully essentially manipulated the conversation and blamed the bullying on a person who was not in the room. So she essentially manipulated the teacher into believing that someone else was the perpetrator. But in the middle school conversation, me and a couple of other victims of bullying went into a conversation with a teacher who essentially did not take us seriously despite the fact that we were crying, and we were obviously distraught. And her advice was just for us to kill them with kindness, and she basically just kicked us out of her office. And I have known many other friends from different schools who have told their schools, who have gone to their principals or their teachers, and who have reported bullying and who have just not been taken seriously. So, I think that is why so much of bullying goes unreported because in the cases where people try and when people do try to speak up, they're not taken seriously. So they lose hope.
NR: Oh, God, so I don't know what to say here. Personally, I think that I was assuming that school they should have or they must have some assembly or class meeting, on bullying, cyber bullying to teach students say ‘hey, this is the sign of bullying or you don't do this or if you're doing these this can happen.’ So, schools, they don't have any assembly or classes on bullying?
TS: Yeah, so we in middle school and high school, we had assemblies about bullying, and like how we should prevent it and how peers are a great part of preventing bullying. But at the same time, I don't think a lot of students like take it seriously. And a lot of the teachers as well. Don't take it very seriously. Like a lot of our teachers, especially during middle school, they like laughed during the presentations. Students weren't paying attention.
NR: Teachers laughed at the presentation? On this very serious issue?
TS: Yeah... I think it can just be a normalized thing. It can just be a routine assembly, like it really has to be internalized in both like the teachers and the students. That needs to be something that's prevented.
KL: I think those presentations are more to cover the schools for legal reasons and such, less to actually protect the students. That's more like if bullying happens, we're not legally responsible because we gave this presentation, it's not because anyone in the school- the teachers or the administration genuinely cares for the students well-being.
AM: I feel like from my high school perspective that my school actually did at least an okay job or a great job, I'd say in talking about bullying, but even when there were presentations at certain class periods, yeah, there were students who really didn't care as much about what was going on, because they're like, ‘Oh, we hear about this all the time.’ But it's just that whenever we heard about stories about people getting punished for bullying, whether it be suspensions or possibly explosions, I think that's when it hit kids in my school the hardest that ‘wow, this is something serious. And we should really stop and maybe change our habits and stuff.’ But I feel in order to even set an example to high school students or middle school students, it's the punishment that the district can make about bullying which would give fear to those students to not bully others.
TS: Personally, I think these assemblies and things should have started in elementary school because I feel like there's still a lot of mean students that don't have empathy for others in some cases, but I feel like students in elementary school are more receptive and generally can absorb more good messages in elementary school and, I think that would carry on through middle school and in high school, rather than just having assemblies in middle school and high school when students are already having like tendencies of other students.
KL: I definitely agree that if these started at a younger age, it’d probably be more beneficial. I also think that maybe we should like start examining the reasons why students bully, and have more preventative measures to stop students from bullying, have more counseling services available for students, and take more measures to protect students’ mental health and protect their social lives instead of just caring about their academic lives. Because as long as we're just doing that we're not caring about the students as a whole being.
NR: Yeah, so the early the better! I mean, school district, they need to take it very seriously. Teachers, they need to take it very seriously. And adults, parents, family members, they also need to take it very seriously because kids are kids. I mean, if they are told that this is wrong from the very beginning, maybe they will get it. But if you are delaying in giving that message to them until they're in high school or college maybe, then it's too late and everything is connected- those who are doing this kind of behavior, bullying, in elementary school, they will be most likely doing the same thing in middle school or high school and eventually in college, right? It is very, very important that to catch them very early, to let them know what they're doing is wrong very early. I would like to point out here that, at present no federal law directly addresses bullying. In some cases, bullying overlaps with discriminatory harassment, which is covered under federal civil rights & laws enforced by the US Department of Education and the US Department of Justice. No matter what level is used, i.e. bullying, hazing, teasing, schools are obligated by these laws to address conduct that is severe, pervasive, or persistent, creates a hostile environment at school, that is sufficiently serious that it interferes with or limits a student's ability to participate in or benefit from the services or activities or opportunities offered by a school. So it is very important to report bullying to your school, talk to a trusted adult, talk to a teacher, talk to your teacher whom you trust. And I believe you can also talk to your school counselor. But it is important to share your pain with someone to find the right solution. So friends, three young community members are here today, discussing bullying, and they are sharing wonderful, wonderful tips. Please listen to this show, and think about it, and do something about it. So can you know what the discussion I'm having with you- I'm just having one question in my mind right now that, can a parent or teacher or fear spot that a child or teen is undergoing bullying or cyber bullying?
AM: I feel like for that it's easier to spot maybe in like middle school or elementary school when kids seem sad from their face or stuff in general, because in high school, a lot of my friends who were bullied used to mask it off with like a happy face and stuff like that. And, it's kind of hard to really find someone who's genuinely like, who from a physical appearance, you're going to see that like,’ Oh, he's actually being bullied or he's really sad or depressed’, because most students really keep it to themselves. And I feel it's also that the students can also get the courage to hopefully open up to a trusted adult, which is really hard. But I feel that's also a step in which we can really ask students, we can really talk to trusted adults. But I would say that it depends on how you read other people. But it's definitely easier for counselors and teachers to notice an element in elementary and middle school that like, ‘Oh, this kid is being bullied and he's really sad every day when it comes to school.’
TS: I think in our society we generally have a stigma around mental health and sharing our feelings. So… related to what you were saying, we have to kind of break down that barriers because a lot of people are afraid to share how they really feel, especially in high school people keep their emotions bottled up a lot, and relating to your question I think cyberbullying can be alleviated better when peers interfere because I feel a lot of adults don’t have access to social media so if peers can police each other- I think that’s a really good thing. if we can encourage being positive on social media just within our communities, I think that’s also really important.
KL: I definitely agree with a lot of what Tanvi said. I feel like especially with the mental health stigma part, in society we are expected to always seem happy and to not show or showcase that we are in pain or are experiencing sadness and we are always expected to look happy or okay... so it’s hard. Even in middle school, I feel that even people at that young of an age feel pressure to seem “okay” so I think it’s hard for people to see the signs of being bullied. I feel if you look hard enough you can see it... I think that even when people are suffering to some extent they are screaming out for help but you have to look closely enough to see it… and it’s a hard dichotomy to balance. so I don’t really know if there’s an easy solution to it.
NR: yeah you’re right... and I was thinking that when they bully, who are bullying others, do you think that their attitude people can easily see that they are ones who are bullying. in school maybe you know, if you are bullied by someone you know that person is the perpetrator. but for adults, for family members, for parents, how do I know that my son is not a bully? What he is doing in school, probably I don’t know. It is possible that he is the bully or it is possible that he is getting bullied. But how do I know if my son or my daughter- they are bullying others?
AM: I feel like for that it is a difficult task but what you can notice is probably the people they hang out with at the end of the day. Whenever they are hanging out at their own house or other peoples house, and you see how their friends really are, if you can basically get a gist of how they are talking about other people or stuff like that. Because I know this goes back to mob mentality, but bullying also can stem from the people you surround yourself with. So if you are able to see your child’s friends group and see it’s not really healthy for them, maybe you should actually talk to them about it or call them out on it because that’s when you can really see their behavior in school, with that friend group, and you can see if they are actually bullying other people or if they’re facing other issues.
KL: I think that’s really hard. I knew my perpetrator’s mom very well, and I was almost friends with my perpetrator’s mom. I knew her extremely well and she would have no idea that her daughter was a bully. She would have not known at all. And, I feel like maybe my situation would have been harder to explain but really her daughter was not just a bully, but abusive. And, the signs of abuse are even harder to explore but I think that maybe looking not just at the people they surround themselves with, but also looking at how those people are acting- what’s their body language? do they seem okay? do they seem safe? Do they seem comfortable? Because I wasn’t okay when I was around. I was scared. So, look at that!
NR: that’s a good point! Do you have any tips for those who are suffering from cyber bullying? How can they avoid cyber bullying? What should they do?
AM: most of my friends, after they graduated high school, they stopped using social media itself because when you are on social media- yeah, there’s pros like you keep in contact with all your friends- but the cons are also like you’re gonna be subjected to cyber bullying. Maybe it’s like being not as active on social media, but it’s also along that line...
NR: but it is very hard at this age, don’t you think? For teens, asking teens that do not go to… I mean I am just asking you for your opinion.
AM: it is definitely hard Now days with like TikTok, SnapChat, and whatever social media that exists. I feel like, personally I keep Facebook more for like club stuff or any events, and at end of the day it’s all a mental game. If you want social media to really control your life, then you can let it control your life, by like posting a lot on Instagram, snapchat and stuff like that. But if you really don’t want it to control your life, you can also control them and still live your life because social media is really popular now days but its not like the only thing in the world, too.
TS: Yeah, social media can be a really toxic place, especially for kids growing up. We just have unrealistic expectations because of social media so I think you can definitely either let social media go or a big thing is just unfollowing people that you feel like they bring negative energy towards you or there’s report features or I think the most important thing is to tell trusted people in your life about certain issues that you are feeling so teachers, peers, parents… I think that’s the most important thing.
KL: I know social media has a lot of cons but also I have a YouTube channel so in a lot of ways I am pro social media. I have seen a lot of the benefits of it as well. Like, a lot of people that I have met on social media, they grew up in houses where they didn’t belong, maybe they were in the LGBTQ+ community or they had mental illness and their families weren’t accepting, so in social media they found homes they found friends with whom they belonged and so for them it was really like a safe space. So, I have seen pros in it in that way. For me, I think it’s really about creating your space and I speak out about this stuff on social media- a lot of my channel is about representation so I deal with people who are going to send hate no matter what. Like, I have to deal with those conversations no matter what. I am never going to be free of that and I just have to be ready for that. You have to mentally prepare for whatever you are putting on social media. And you have to curate your space because while I know I am going to have to deal with that I also know I have so many people in my corner who are gonna jump up to defend me whenever those people come.
AM: I also wanted to just add on to for anyone who is going through this that, it’s hard but at the end of the day you’ll need the courage to speak up if you want something to change, because even when you’re going through this stuff it’s definitely traumatizing and very difficult and it takes time to open up, but in order to make… you can like get over it by yourself but it’s easier when you have a supportive group with you and in order to do that you really need to speak up, have courage to speak up against it.
NR: wonderful Ambar! I actually was thinking that… like social media, what Kav said, that we can use that platform for so many good things- we can build a movement on social media to prevent bullying. So, if youth, teens, they are using social media, they can use this platform to end bullying, to prevent bullying, to talk about this subject that how wrong it is… how wrong people are if they are abusing someone. And on the flip side, people are using this to abuse someone... so that is wrong, that is heartbreaking but I am very hopeful talking to you. I am sure that there are more teens, children, like you out there, those who believe that we can end, we can speak up against it, we can end bullying, we can end abuse… and they are doing something. Like what you are doing, they are also doing something. And I am very hopeful; I want to believe that majority of kids and teens, they’re like that. Maybe handful of them are abusive; handful of them are doing wrong things, and they can be defeated by you right? What do you think? Aare you hopeful like me? Or are you thinking, “no, that’s not gonna happen,” “nothing is gonna change” … what do you think?
AM: I am really hopeful about it because each group is like, each generation I’d say is really changing and there’s more talk about topics like these nowadays in our society and yeah I think social media can be used for positive purposes and it already is, whether it be for like school and gun laws, and other social issues in our country, but I feel like I am personally very hopeful and I know it will take time in generations to come to really fix this issue but I am pretty optimistic about it.
TS: yeah I am pretty optimistic as well, I think. I hope that our generation is more open and we care more about certain issues that were left behind in generations past. And relating to social media, I think it can be a really good place to end bullying. Like I used an example in the beginning- high school student made an anonymous confessions page and someone bullied another student on that confessions page, but after that incident a lot of students commented saying, “please take down this post.” So I think that’s a really powerful message that there’s a lot more students that want to prevent bullying and want to spread positivity so I am really hopeful.
NR: Great! Kav, what do you think?
KL: I am a bad person to end on… I am a trauma survivor who lives with mental illnesses, I can be very jaded at times. But I cycle back and forth; sometimes I feel very hopeless, and sometimes very hopeful, but I see the people who are trying and I see the people who are putting in all their effort to make change and they do give me hop, they do make me feel like it will take time and it will not happen in the next 10 years but it will happen one day.
NR: We will make it happen. We can make it happen. We cannot let them win, those bullies cannot win. We will make that happen, right? We can make that change happen, we can make a society where all people irrespective of their gender, color, language, race, ethnicity, they will be thriving on equity, compassion, and dignity. We’ll make sure that happens, and we will bring the change. I am seeing that possibility in you, I know you can make that change. I am very hopeful!
I think it’s almost time to end and I hope that people are listening and thinking about this issue, and want to do something, will do something and I am very positive we will do another show with you guys with another issue that bothers us. So right now I’d say that solutions to bullying are not simple. It takes the entire community- students, families, policy makers, administrators, teachers, counselors, even school cafeteria staff or even school bus drivers- it takes all of us in creating a cultures of respect and end bullying. If you are student and if you are listening, then please know that all of us should stand firmly against bullying. You can be a leader in preventing bullying in your community. You can help someone who is in pain, support someone who is being bullied by other mean souls. If we all try, then we will be able to stop bullying even before it happens. And for parents, I’d like to say that if you’re listening today’s show, you can also help prevent bullying by keeping the lines of communication open, talking to your children about bullying, modeling kindness and respect, and encouraging them to get help when they get bulled, and if you know that your children are bullying someone then please talk to your children and tell them that it is wrong, you cannot do It, we cannot accept that behavior, and tell them what is right, tell them, teach them about compassion and empathy, and today we are ending this show with lot of hope, lot of courage, that we will bring that change, we will make that happen, and I’m really thanking all three of you from bottom of my heart for sharing your thoughts with our listeners. Thank you Tanvi, Thank you Ambar. Thank you Kav, for your input, your knowledge, your concern, your experience, and sharing your hope with us!