Nandini Ray: Hello friends! You are listening to the Maitri podcast, “Between Friends: Conversations with Maitri.” I'm your host Nandini Ray with my production team member, Daman Tiwana, welcoming you all to this very important segment. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and throughout this month, Maitri staff and volunteers have been doing different activities engaging our community members to amplify our call to action for prevention. Our podcast is only one of the community platforms you are listening to here, but there are some other avenues we are engaging and educating our community members so that they can recognize those oppressive social norms and harmful cultural conditions that instigate relationship abuse so that they can understand the challenges survivors face and see the gaps in the system that delay appropriate services to survivors. We truly hope that our podcasts and other prevention efforts, that we have, will make everyone around us understand that it is our collective responsibility to end domestic violence from our communities. However, in today's episode we will shed light only on those challenges that DV survivors face after they leave their abusive situation. We have Jaya Suresh, and Sneha Ambekar with us. Both Jaya and Sneha have work very closely with Maitri clients, and they see our survivors’ pain, fear, helplessness, and frustration on a daily basis. Welcome Jaya and Sneha! It's my pleasure to have you here.

Jaya Suresh: Hello.

Sneha Ambekar: Hi.

NR: So Jaya and Sneha, would you please say something about your association with Maitri and why are you so passionate about this cause?

JS: Hi Nandini and thank you for inviting us to be on the podcast to talk about how Maitri provides holistic services to domestic violence survivors to help them rebuild their lives. To introduce myself, my name is Jaya. I've been working at Maitri for 10 years. My association with Maitri goes to more than 10 years, almost 12 years. I started as a volunteer, then moved on to a part time staff position, and right, and now I'm full time staff working at Maitri. Why am I doing this work? It's because of my passionate belief in gender equality. And that's the reason I'm here trying to contribute a little bit towards making it happen.

NR: I know Jaya if you start talking about this passion, then you will take one full segment on it. (laughs) But we have to give Sneha opportunity to talk about her passion and her association with Maitri. Sneha, can you please?

SA: Thank you, Nandini for inviting me. And regarding my affiliation with Maitri that I started volunteering with Maitri 10 years back, and now I am a staff member. I work as a housing coordinator, and I work at Maitri’s transitional housing. My passion is to work with women who are in need that brought me to Maitri, and working with South Asian women was really, really, the work I like to do, and that brought me to volunteer and work as a staff member with Maitri.

NR: Wonderful job, wonderful Sneha. Thank you for sharing about your work. So let's discuss more so that people know what you do and what you see on a daily basis. As domestic violence advocates, we know that survivors of domestic violence face countless hurdles every day. First, they suffer pain and humiliation in their relationship. And then, they face community ostracism, and victim blaming. Many times, as we all know, that lack of support from their friends and family, that compels them in staying in their abusive and violent relationship. And even in some victims, they gather some courage, they try to leave their abusive relationship, it's never easy. Leaving an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time for a victim; we all know that. because that time they face retaliation, revenge from their abusive partner. And on top of it, if they, you know, somehow they are out of the situation, abusive situation, they start facing systemic challenges like unfair custody battles, homelessness, lack of proper health care, unemployment, or job loss and the list goes on. So here, today, let's discuss some of these challenges because one episode is never enough to talk about all those challenges, we see that our clients, domestic violence survivors, they face. So Jaya or Sneha, one of you can answer this question or both of you as you like, that when someone calls Maitri helpline, so first they want to talk to someone and I believe they're calling us because they know that someone will pick up the phone and they will believe them, whatever they're saying they will believe them. And sometimes they want to find out their rights and options, so they call Maitri. So after they call Maitri, what happens?

JS: Nandini, so let me kind of tell you the journey of a domestic violence survivor, right. A survivor reaches out to Maitri, calls our helpline, and at that moment, the survivor doesn't know what are all the options. What can she do to get out of the abusive situation? So our helpline advocates provide that initial crisis intervention for them, explaining to them, that, yes, they have an option, that they can leave the abusive relationship and come out and they will, there are support systems that is available to them. And typically what happens with the DV survivor is one of the first needs that they have is legal, right, because they need to get a restraining order to be safe from the abuser. They need to file for a restraining order in court, probably divorce, and if they have children then custody also comes into that. So their immediate connection to Maitri happens through the helpline and from there to work the legal advocacy program, which works with all their legal needs, both in family law and in immigration. But beyond that, what, right? A DV survivor’s story is not complete when she gets the legal help. She really needs to rebuild her life because what has happened, the trauma and the abuse, has really shattered her life and she needs to rebuild her life. And for that, Maitri is there to provide holistic services. After helpline and legal advocacy program, clients are helped through the economic empowerment program with finding a stable job, and then through our housing program to find affordable permanent housing. These two are pillars that are needed for them to build a sustainable life, because without a job and without an income, they cannot find housing. And without good housing and a roof over their head, they can't really focus on what they need to do and how to get a job. So Maitri focuses on both the housing piece and the economic empowerment piece and helps the DV survivors back on their feet. In the economic empowerment program, our focus is mainly forward looking. We are focused on them taking the next steps. Within the economic empowerment program, we have three tracks: one is working one-on-one with our DV survivors, because each DV survivor’s story is different. It is her story, it is her need, so we need to work with each one of them separately on their needs. And on the other hand, we also do a monthly networking evening, which is very, very critical for our DV survivors because most of them have been in isolation, right. When they are in the abusive situation, they have not been allowed to go out, meet people, mingle with people, they have not even gone out and worked. They really do not have a network where they can actually talk to other people so we conduct a social networking evening every month in our office where our DV survivors come. We provide them dinner and we provide them childcare for a couple of hours, and then we do various things, sometimes we do workshops, sometimes it's we do some fun stuff and sometimes we let the DV survivors talk about their hopes and their goals for the future. And the third track is, we are constantly looking for partnerships with agencies that will actually provide either training or jobs for our DV survivors so that they can start standing on their own feet. So that's what the economic empowerment program at Maitri does. The housing program completely focuses on their homes. The reason why we have different programs is because it helps us work and serve our DV survivors better, right, because when you're working in one, as one program, then you're talking only about that and it's easy to get the survivors to be focused on that, rather than talking about everything together at the same time and she will be left confused. So, the economic empowerment program focuses completely on their job and financial stability. We also do financial workshops to help them understand financial system here and how they can become financially stable. And the housing program works completely on their housing.

NR: That, when I was hearing what you were sharing that, one thing, I think, community members, all of them should know that when a victim of domestic violence chooses to leave their abusive partner, safe and affordable housing is one of the primary barriers they will face for themselves and their children. And out of that fear, that, many survivors, many victims, they think that should I take any steps, should I do something to break the cycle of abuse? So what I'm hearing, and I know that as an advocate, I know that, but people out there who are listening to our show today, they also need to know that housing is a big, big part that many people, they suffer in silence and they don't even dare to break the cycle of abuse. So Sneha, I would love to hear from you since you have a lot of experience working in this area so can you share some of your knowledge and experience with us?

SA: Yeah, sure Nandini. So basically when the survivor thinks about how can I get out of this relationship and with the existing housing and where should I go? And there, exactly where Maitri plays a very, very important role to educate the survivor, that if it is not safe for the survivor to live under the same roof, she needs to move out, and we put the options in front of the survivor where she can go and immediately stay safe with the confidentiality. So, what Maitri does, we provide the survivors all the shelters, which are available for them to live comfortably, and with the safety, and help them to get into the shelters. And survivors stay in shelter from three weeks to three months, and they can try to heal there. And with the shelter manager’s help, they can apply for the transitional housing. The shelters are definitely a confidential and safe place, but because their nature is to have a very short term state, the DV survival, especially require more time to heal, to work on their goals, and to rebuild their lives. And by considering all these things together, Maitri has started its transitional housing program in 1999, which is a little bit longer program compared to the shelters. It is for nine months, and at a time nine women and their minor children can live in our transitional housing. Once the survivors come to transitional housing, we start working very closely with them. We do the case management. We make them understand the importance of their goals and we set the goals for their education, their ESL classes, their career, their jobs as per their needs, and will help them to achieve their goals by providing different kinds of resources they want, and providing the resources for childcare as well. We help them to settle down and focus on their goals, which will help them with their life and attend to financial sustainability in future.

NR: Emergency shelters can be a source of immediate short term safety. transitional housing programs offer victims housing option and supportive services including counseling, childcare support, transportation, life skills, education, or job training for a couple of months. So it is a safe option that gives survivors to begin rebuilding their lives after fleeing from abuse, right Sneha. Am I right?

SA: Yes, you're right, absolutely right. I want to add one of the services that is very important, while they are in transitional housing. When they are about to leave, or when they are about to finish their stay in transitional housing, we do provide them the assistance in searching the low income housing available in the vicinity or in the counties they live, and we help them to apply for housing programs run by the counties for the people living in shelters. If they are qualified for those programs, we work with them to find housing to get the rental assistance through this county's programs. Many survivors that have moved to the permanent housing from our transitional housing, are getting the help through these county programs. This program has been approved as a very successful for them.

JS: Just to give a little bit of clarification on Maitri’s transitional housing program, is, it started in 1999, it was a rented place and in 2009, we purchased our own property and we manage the property, as well as provide services to our toady DV survivors. A couple of things I wanted to mention about our transitional houses. We named our transitional house after Anjali Dujari, our Maitri’s founder who passed away in 2013, so it is now called Anjali transitional house, honoring our founder, and the way you can come into our transitional housing is through an application. And these applications have to be through a shelter case manager, because this nine-month stay in our transitional housing is an extension of a shelter. It is not like other housing where you pay rent and move in. This is absolutely free services that we offer for nine months. It's almost like an extended shelter program, which gives them safety, security confidentiality, and support services for nine months. So, applications come through shelter managers and then we put them on their waiting list and we usually have a long waiting list and when a room gets vacant, then we reach out to the DV survivor and if they're still in need of the housing then we go through a screening process and an intake process. And this is very similar to shelter in that sense, it is absolutely confidential. Nobody will know where our transitional house is. That provides our DV survivors an extra layer of security to know that for another nine months they can live in a place that is completely confidential that nobody can find them there, and they can have a time to just rest and focus on their goals.

NR: And it is very important to have this kind of stability and roof over their head so that they can easily transition from their disruption, from their abusive situation, from their trauma to a self-sustainable path, and for that, they really need this kind of support from DV organizations, from communities. Kudos to you and Sneha, working all the time to boost our transitional housing program and economic empowerment program. Before I go to my next segment, which is kind of related to housing and economic empowerment, I would like to share some research based facts that community members, they need to know. Various research show that on average nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. And in one year, this equates to more than 10 million victims. People who experience domestic violence, particularly women and children, with limited economic resources are all at increased risk of homelessness. So according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, between 22 and 57% of women and children are homeless because of domestic violence. Victims who leave their abusive partners multiple times due to domestic violence, often experience multiple events of homelessness. So, domestic violence and homelessness, they are really connected and many people may not understand that. So how do you think that affordable housing opportunity and economic empowerment can make impact in DV survivors' lives?

JS: like I said, right, in the beginning, right, they are the two pillars, or the cornerstones for DV survivors to start rebuilding their lives. Because without safe housing, it's very difficult for them, they don't want to be out on the streets, as a homeless person. And this is really very particular to our community that many DV survivors do not leave the abusive situation just for this one reason because they don't want to become homeless. The fear of homelessness traps them in the abusive relationship. That is why Maitri is there to provide them the option, to tell them that you can live an abusive relationship. There is help outside, you just have to reach out for the help. There are shelters, which do an amazing job of providing emergency support for the DV survivor who needs to leave immediately and move into a shelter. They provide everything that a DV survivor will need, and then we have the Maitri transitional housing program, which could give them a longer term stay. Maitri works not just on the transitional housing program piece but also on their economic empowerment, and also on finding affordable permanent housing. Housing is one piece, right, the other piece is economic empowerment. Without an income, finding housing is almost like an oxymoron, right? If you don't have money, how will you afford to pay for rent. So, DV survivor who leaves the situation has to work on multiple fronts, right. One is the legal case that goes on for a while, right, getting the permanent restraining order to get the divorce, the financial settlement and if they have any immigration related stuff that happens, but simultaneously, along with that they have to be working on these two things also: securing a stable job and becoming financially stable, and also finding affordable housing.

NR: Yes

JS: Maitri provides that kind of wrap-around services, right, there is the legal program that works on the legal cases, then we have the supportive programs of economic empowerment and housing, which works with them, on the other two main pillars that they need to rebuild their lives. So as I'm talking about affordable housing, I want to, again, hand it over to Sneha to explain a little bit more about what are the services we offer in our housing program. Transitional housing is one track, right, this is for those survivors who cannot survive without the kind of long term help that we give in transitional housing program, but not all the DV survivors who reach out to us need the shelter to transitional housing support. They need other kind of support.

SA: All the TV survivors, they do not need the transition housing. By the time they move away from the abuser due to that temporary support system or friends or other acquaintances, they have secured a temporary housing, but they definitely need the financial help to pay the rents, and that's where actually we work with other community organizations, other nonprofit organizations, who provide a rental financial assistance to these survivors. And we help the survivors find out whether these survivors are eligible for the program. If they're qualified, we work with them very closely and make sure they get that kind of rental help, and we enroll them into those programs and make them understand the importance of the budget and importance of increasing the income, and ways to increase the income and to avail these programs available in the community.

NR: So how can a DV survivor find free or low cost housing? Is there any resource, link, any website they can go to, or should they call Maitri helpline to find the resources?

SA: All of us know, because of the higher rents in Bay Area, finding a low cost or affordable housing is difficult. There are some resources available, each county runs the affordable housing program. There is always a waitlist for these affordable housing rental units and availability of which is done through only putting your name on the waitlist. And the waitlist can be from six months to three years. So these DV survivors need to apply for this kind of assistance as soon as the waitlists are open. So, what we do, we provide the different available waitlists for these such housing programs to our DV survivors and help them to apply for them and put their name on the waitlist. This is one of the way they can be on the affordable housing waitlist. Other program is that, in some counties, there are always shared housing programs run by the counties. Those programs are available through the counties and the partnership with some nonprofit organizations in that particular county. This shared housing or this house-sharing program, that's what it's called, is a free matching service that helps match people looking for a room to rent with someone who has a spare room to rent. So, for example in Santa Clara County, catholic churches, they run such program. And this program is very successful to get a low cost or affordable room renting from the people who really want to share and rent rooms in their houses. There is another program actually in Santa Clara County, which has been a huge success for our DV survivors who move out of our transitional housing, which is called the Home Safe Housing Program. It is specially designed for DV survivors, and it is a very low cost housing, and it is really, really helpful for our survivors when they start living independently and start building their lives and at the beginning of their journey, they have very limited funds to pay, and they can pay low rents and start having independence.

NR: Can someone from Alameda County or other counties apply for this option, or no, it is only for Santa Clara County residents?

SA: Home Safe housing is not restricted to the Santa Clara County. For the Home Safe housing, the main requirement is that the person has to be a DV survivor. But there are certain other programs, which are restricted only to the residents of Santa Clara County. So, when the DV survivors approach us, we analyze and accordingly we guide them which program is suitable for them. If any program is available in Alameda County and the county of residence, we guide them to approach and try to connect with that program in Alameda County.

NR: For people who are listening, our show today, I'm sure they're learning a lot. A lot of information from you and Jaya. I hope they are now realizing what kind of challenges domestic violence survivors face on a daily basis. Before we start doing victim blaming, before we start ignoring the problem, we must understand what they're going through. We must try our best to help them. So Jaya, do you want to add anything, how survivors can make their life safe and sustainable?

JS: That's such a loaded question Nandini.

NR: I know, I know.

JS: To answer that question, it will take probably, for me, half a day to answer that question, but then let me see, right. Because one of the things is housing is challenging for anybody in the Bay Area and we all know, we all live here and we all know how expensive housing is. And then think about a DV survivor, who's probably doing a minimum wage job, an hourly job. Or probably this is the first job that she's ever doing in her life, right.

NR: And also Jaya, I would like to point out here that some DV survivors, due to visa restrictions, they cannot work here. Though, in their home countries they had very good jobs, they have education, but here due to visa restriction, they cannot work. That is another very, very sad thing. But yeah, sorry to cut you off, please go ahead.

JS: Yeah, so I just wanted to finish up the housing piece, right, so finding housing is very, very difficult, and one avenue for many of our DV survivors has been defined shared housing where people are renting rooms, not through the county program but even by themselves, talk to somebody else, somebody, friend or somebody. That has been kind of helpful to many of our clients, because it's not very expensive and then they are not living in… one of the things you have to understand is, especially women from South Asia, for them living alone is not easy because they've never lived alone in their lives, right, and all of a sudden we tell them okay you go find a studio apartment or a one-bedroom apartment and live on your own- that is another challenge for them. That's like another stress point for them, okay, now I have to be responsible for the whole thing. So for them, for DV survivors like that who have that kind of fear, shared housing is a good option. So that's another thing and then there are a bunch of websites that we can give our clients to go and check out and see if there's any room available, and then we will tell them if they're going to go and look at a room, what are all the things they need to watch out for, so that they don't fall into any scam, especially lots of stuff on Craigslist is, on there, ends up being a scam. So these are all some of the things we work with on the housing program explaining to our DV survivors what they need to look for when they are going to look for housing, what is the lease, and why is it important for them to have a lease, that other than rent, they will have to pay utilities and any other charges that might be there. So, if we do a little bit of housing related education also as part of our housing. Now coming back to jobs, that's another big area, right, finding jobs is not again easy. It takes sometimes, it takes months for somebody to be ready enough to go for a job and DV survivors have extra layers of barriers, right.

NR: Yes, of course.

JS: Some of them have been so traumatized. Even though they have worked before, they have had good experience, the trauma of their abuse, makes it difficult for them to actually go apply for jobs and then go for interviews. They prepare for interviews, but then when they actually go for the interview, they're completely unraveled. They are not able to answer any questions, they're completely in a mess. So that is one kind of support we provide, right, building up their self-esteem, building up their self-confidence, helping them, okay, you can do this, you can go and answer questions, you know you have the knowledge, it's just that something is blocking it. And we walk them through it, we do workshops on interviewing skills, resume building.

NR: Yeah.

JS: And these are also people who already have experience, who have worked, who have a good education.

NR: Sometimes, it is possible that sometimes for a long time, someone has been telling that person that you are good for nothing, you cannot do anything right, you are piece of shit. So sometimes you know, pardon my language, sometimes they feel their self-esteem is shattered. So, they start believing that they cannot do anything right, I mean sometimes also there the domestic violence can take a huge toll on their health. So they start feeling health issues, depression, anxiety, so everything is connected. It is so sad...

JS: Yeah, and in our economic empowerment program, we also find, because many of them are immigrants from South Asia, language is a huge issue, some of them come speak the language so we have to start from scratch, we have to, they have to start with ESL classes to learn English and then build up a little bit of confidence and skills so that they can go and start applying for minimum wage jobs at least, as a starting point before they move ahead. That’s another set of DV survivors we work with. There are also DV survivors who have immigration issues, right. Because what happens is, they have done a good faith marriage and come to this country. But then, abuse happens, they leave the relationship, and then they lose their legal status. Then, our legal program actually works in helping them apply for the other visas that they are eligible for, but it takes a while. It doesn't happen immediately, right.

NR: Yes, yes.

JS: During that time, it's a very, very difficult time for DV survivors, because they can’t go and work, because they can't go officially and work and then get paid, but still they need to make money. That's another huge challenge we face with our clients. Those are some of the DV survivors who actually end up in our transitional housing program because they cannot pay rent and live elsewhere. So they move into our transitional housing program and then as we work with them, we start preparing and getting them ready for a job while their immigration cases going on. And once they get, at some point in their immigration case, they will get a work permit. Once they get a work permit, then they can go and start looking for jobs. And you know, one of the things in my experience of working with DV survivors for so many years, that the day the DV survivor gets a work permit, it is transformative for that individual, right, because then they know, yes, now I can work, I can make it, I can earn, I can take care of myself and my child. So on the day we gave the news to them that they got their work permit, it is just, it's one of those celebratory moment in a DV survivor's life.

NR: Yes, of course. It's a huge boost.

JS: Yeah, it’s a huge boost, right, gives them the confidence, yes, I can go now, and apply for a job. I can get a job. I can also work; I can also become a part of this contributing member of the society. So, economic empowerment program is, works with different DV survivors with different layers of barriers. Each one is unique. Each one is special, each one has its own difficulties to deal with.

NR: Yeah. All barriers. Yes, of course. So now I can give you one question, I think both of you will love it, and whatever you want to ask, you ask, that if you are given a chance to ask support from our community members and policymakers in empowering DV survivors, what would be your ask?

JS: Okay, can I go first?

NR: Oh my God, Jaya. You will not end (laughs)

JS: To policymakers, I have one request or one ask for them. Housing, more affordable housing, because, please, if there is any policymaker who's listening to it or any community members who is listening to it and can take the message across to policymakers, please make them understand how important it is for affordable housing in Bay Area. Because while most people are employed in high tech jobs and are earning good income, everybody who's earning a good income needs support services, right, you go to a restaurant, you need somebody to serve you food. You go to a sale, you go to a grocery store, you need a counter clerk to help you buy these things. And also, remember that each one of those persons who is working either in a grocery store or in a restaurant or any of their minimum wage jobs, they need a place to live. The rents are so high and they have just been paid the bare minimum wages, where will they live? So the policy makers have to provide more affordable housing in Bay Area. That's my ask for the policy makers and for the community members, reach out, join hands with Maitri. You can volunteer your time; you can donate to us. Become partners with us in ending this scourge in our society, of gender violence in our society. See, Nandini, I finished it very fast. I didn't say too much.

NR: I know.

JS: Let Sneha talk now.

NR: But I know, Jaya, that you are not done. You have so many things to ask but we will do another show probably for that and I also want to say a lot of things, to community members, to policymakers. We will definitely do another show, for that but I want to give Sneha some chance. So Sneha, please go ahead.

SA: As Jaya said, she spoke for all, so for the community members, that if you have spare time, please consider becoming a volunteer for Maitri, because as you know volunteers can make a huge difference in survivors’ lives through their mentorship and guidance. So, volunteer is really a backbone for Maitri, so I really, really want to appeal all the community members. Please select Maitri as your volunteer organization. Also, if you are considering, as a charity organization for donations, please select Maitri, because the funds, the donations, which you provide, directly goes to the survivors, and help the survivors to build their lives and sustain in their crisis. And as Jaya said, my appeal to policymaker is the same. We need the funds, more and more funds for the affordable housing, particularly in Bay Area where the rents are skyrocketing. So, the more funds for the affordable housing will really, really help for the DV survivors.

NR: Wonderful Jaya and Sneha, and I would like to add one more or two more points, that community members, if you are listening to our show today, please stop victim blaming, find out what are the cultural norms that are offensive, that are dangerous and what are the social/cultural conditions that are instigating domestic violence and violence against women, gender violence, so please watch out for it every day. And if you see something, say something, do something, and be a good role model, and it is our collective responsibility to end domestic violence, to end gender based violence on our community. And if we all do our part we can end it and policymakers, you have a lot of power in your hands so please do something so that you can help survivors who are already in lot of pain, a lot of helplessness and frustration. So if we all can do our part, we can help so that they can have a safe and happy life. Thank you Jaya and thank you Sneha for sharing your valuable experience with our audience. And I hope, whoever is listening to our podcast today will make a pledge that we will not tolerate domestic violence in our community. We will stop victim blaming and hold perpetrators accountable. I want to highlight here that every one of us can create change in our own communities, either through direct advocacy, or by addressing its root causes, in our day to day life. Prevention is possible. Domestic Violence is a learned behavior, we all know that, and if we all do your part in raising awareness, we can end domestic violence. Bye for now. We will return with more episodes. Till then, stay safe, stay healthy, stay happy. And please keep listening to the Maitri podcast, “Between Friends - Conversations with Maitri.” Share our podcast link with everyone you know, and engage your friends and family, to create a world free of violence and abuse where all genders can get respect. Thank you.